So anyway having survived quite some time as a conscript, I think that it is actually not as bad as what many made it out to be. But still, there are many weird things that I have personally never seen/experienced before in my 18 years as a civilian that I have seen in just a few weeks of conscription.
For instance, there is the infamous hair cutting session, which is touted to be the point in time where every enlistee leaves behind his individuality and civilian identity in order to gain uniformity with his fellow comrades, or basically one of the few point in time when everyone wished they were Sikh. So what happens is that a fat malay woman comes in and treats your head as a crystal ball and toss it here and there while shaving at whats left of your pride. After that ordeal, with the fine bits of hair still held firm to the skin of my body by my surprisingly adhesive sweat, I emerged looking like a giant clump of walking pubic hair.
Pictured: A Giant Clump Of Walking Pubic Hair.
And the people there are quite epic too. As you all know, me myself is also quite fat, but the size of some of the people here is seriously of epic proportions; literally. I now am a firm believer of Evolution because obviously God raised the giant whales from the sea and evolved them into these people cos there is no way God could have only used 6 days to create them. I mean they seem so bound by their own fats so much so that they cant even fucking turn around to wipe their ass when they shit. Once I saw this really huge Indian guy so huge that his belly fats were curled into rolls and folds,so when he laid down on the floor, his fat rolls and folds makes him literally look like a spread of nutella with all its ripples.
“Jack,I Want You To Draw Me Like One Of Your French Girls.”
-
-
And seriously, the birds (like sparrows and mynahs) in the camp are fucking fearless; they just fucking swoop down upon anyone unlucky enough to come in their way (commanders or recruits alike)
Its like as though someone was throwing a bunch of pissed off birds at a group of fat pig-looking guys clad in green. Fuck,it seems as if God was playing a game of Angry Birds with us.
And just a side track, after emerging from beneath a rock that is the army camp, I just heard that the MRT system was rocked by a series of delays and that the respective authority “has not ruled out sabotage.”. Seriously, who are they going to push to blame to next? The Digletts?
“You Want Some Of This,Bitch?”
Okay fine,maybe they can blame The Digletts.
Gosh Do I Love The Public Transport System.
The Ever Faithful Holy Man
16/03/2012
Hey guys,the first thing I want to talk about in this post is that I KENNA THE SCARY,TERRIFYING DISCIPLINARIAN (STD) FOR ONE OF MY SUBJECTS.
AND WTF EVERYTHING I SAID IN MY PREVIOUS POST IS NOW BULLSHIT.NABEH, SHES DAMN SCARY AND BITCHY LA WTS.
For every lesson, she would spend half the time in class suanning us about how worthless, dumb,vegetable-like,passive and useless we are and the other half of the lesson trying to convince us why we should be in the worst class instead of the class we are in now.
“So class, the moral of today’s lesson is that you are all pathetic, worthless and disgusting scum of society. You can now go for your next lesson.”And being in the class is super stressful man. Drink water, yawn, look at your own desk, shake leg also kenna scolded. Nabeh I bet to her, even greeting her at the beginning of lesson without any enthusiasm is a crime against humanity.
So she always massacres us in every lesson we have with her with her criticisms and insults, turning every one of her lessons into Rambo movies, just that she is Rambo and we are the helpless Cambodian soldiers getting destroyed.
“Die you unscholarly, vegetating, passive learning and worthless shaggy dogs!”
Seriously cant stand her sia FML.
And today I have finally realized how ridicu-fucking-lous the efficiency of Singapore’s public bus serviceis. After returning from Taiwan I actually appreciated the local bus service the buses in Taiwan is so fucking packed and crowded that buses are just another name for canned human sardines in Taiwan.
Pictured: Ayam Brand canned human sardinesSo today I decided to leave my house an hour and a half early to get to a place via a bus that has a supposed “10 minute” waiting time and a journey time of maximum 20 minutes.
So I was waiting patiently, another bus passed.
Then 30 minutes later,17 other buses passed.
Even the SAF decided to suan me by sending fucking tanks on a random day to pass by the bus stop.
.jpg/120px-AMX-13_(SM-1).jpg)
"SAF Chief of Staff :Hahahaha take that you fat ass!" I mean seriously wtf sia,what kind of fucking first class bus service does the SBS/SMRT boast about sia. Nabeh,in the end I have to fucking wait 40 minutes and I was almost late for my competition.
Nabeh man,even in Japan,despite the 東海龍王deciding to open a can of whoop ass on them and send them a tsunami, their bus services were up and even PUNCTUAL the next day. And look at Singapore. The greatest disaster in recent years in Singapore was just some fucked up malay pai-ka that managed to escape from some toilet and yet the buses are always as late as a Jew in submitting his income tax.
"Never mind lah,no hurry dont kan chiong,im only 20 years late."I seriously think that the bus service in Singapore seriously hates me- its spends its free time either taking its fucking sweet time to intentionally make me late or trying to fucking eat my bag.
"Hand over the bus seats and no one gets hurt."
“You know when they say “my grandma can do it even better than you” in the army, they actually mean it.”
And on a side note, if you’re going to orchard road in any school t-shirts from my school, your either making a fashion statement or a death wish, but either way your committing social suicide. I mean once u put one of those on, everyone you walk past is going to stare at you as if you are 财神爷 just because of your shirt.
“财神到”I mean you will be given the “WTF what are aliens doing on earth” look by almost everyone else cos to them, you should be locked up in a room full of books and studying your brains out instead of walking around in Orchard.
Anyway just to conclude,one day in the 1960s, The RJC principal asked God:”God, when will my dear school have excellent world class facilities?”
God replied:” My dear child,you will get such good facilities in 40 years time. Boy, you will even have an MRT station just across the road!”
The RJ principal cried his eyes out.
“That means that 20 generations of Rafflesians won’t be able to enjoy the facilities they deserve!”
Then the HCI principal asked God:”God, when will my dear school have excellent world class facilities?”
God replied:” My dear child,you will get such good facilities in 50 years time. Boy, you will even have an MRT station just at your doorstep!”
The HCI principal cried his eyes out.
“That means that 25 generations of Hwa Chong students won’t be able to enjoy the facilities they deserve!”
Then the Principal of XJC (lets just call my school XJC) asked God:”God, when then will my dear school have excellent world class facilities?”
God Cried.
Gosh do I love 财神爷!
The Ever Faithful Holy Man
14/03/2011
Hi guys, im back :)
Now i know why some young men volunteer to be monks.
So anyway in my 10 months in the jail centre of the country, i have made many friends of the opposite gender and got to understand them better. In the past, i thought girls were very smart, shrewd, and usually think before they speak. Not that they dont do that, but just that sometimes they ask questions which answers are so obvious.
So anyway i shall introduce you to the females that i have met in my school.
1) Scary,Terrifying Disciplinarian.
The Scary Terrifying Disciplinarian (STD) is a teacher in my school who basically goes around enforcing discipline upon the student population,much like how every other teacher does. But people say that her methods are so scary that some students, after being emotionally scarred by her berating that they cry their eyes out before locking themselves in a castle to become 2000 year old hermits. Haha kidding la.Usually they end up becoming 3000 year old virgins.
Personally i have nothing against her because i think shes just doing her job and hey,in every situation someone has to be the bad guy right?
Hitler:"wah kanna sai,why you always arrow me one?"
But some people really dislike her for her perceived brutal methods of discipline enforcement, like they think she is an evil witch whose only purpose in life is to make their lives miserable, make them cry like a baby and to receive a call from Dasmond Koh and Zhong Qin to participate in the Sheng Shiong Show.
"八千八百八十八!!!!! "
Some of them even went one step further and compared her with that Evil Old Woman from The Little Nyonya.
Where got evil? she seems so nice and grandmotherly and....
OMFG SHES A BITCH ON HEAT!!!!But from my point of view so far, the STD is just a disciplianarian who is just doing her job and we shouldnt fault her for her responsibility.
As for the students, generally they are those guai guai, academically,demure girls.
And there would also be a few more liberal ones hanging around
But that would be usually all.
But sometimes even Hades finds the place so boring that he decides to punch a hole through the goddamn earth crust and send someone to spice things up.
Introducing,The Man.
"Say your prayers,bitches.and it better not be in mandarin."
Shes the type of person who is so awesome she makes Superman seem as retarded as the Bak Kwa Mascot when placed side by side with her.
"Is it a bird?Is it a plane?Its a ...... i have no idea wtf this thing is..."
And she's one of the coolest girls i ever known, cos she is what she is. She never pretends to be who she isnt,and shes really direct with her words,be it a "i think you look fat in that outfit and you should stop pretending that your not an XL." or a "*(&^&%^^%^**(&*(^&%^%$^$%#^*% u knn ccb".
Damn, her memiors will probably make the entire Lord Of The Rings trilogy look like nursery rhymes man.
But despite all her crazily awesome shit, she is a very nice person la. Although she usually looks like she wants to kill someone, deep down inside she is actually thinking of killing... ok nvm....
The Ever Faithful Holy Man
03/01/2011
Hi everybody, i have finished my OP and boy am i relieved after 9 months of persevering and nuturing something that is so pointless.
Anyway,even though i have finished exams and pw,i still have lessons and still have to go back to school,which is so sian.
In my secondary school, going back to school after exams wasnt so bad because my secondary school was very beautifully designed, with clean toilets and floors and facilities- a comfortable environment to do stuff with schoolmates. But my current school now is a totally different story. The toilets are so disgustingly dirty that i swear that even the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles would rather die than live in there. And the wierd thing is that, despite all these deficiencies in basic facilities like the state of the classrooms and toilets, the school seem to give priority to the building of irrelevant and less important stuff(like perhaps building another playground) than to the more important upgrading of basic facilities when these stuff arent even needed in the first place. And all these are happening when the school is experiencing financial constraints.
Sometimes i wonder how it would be like to be in a school upgrading meeting. Will it be a peaceful meeting or one that is full of shouting and emotions?But it would take selfish and power hungry person to choose the upholding of the school's facade over the more important issue: student welfare. So who else to portray these meeting of school upgrading than.....
Gosh do i love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
The Ever Faithful Holy Man
19/11/2010
Sang Nila Utama:"Holy shit wtf is that?"
SNU's Men:" Sir i believe that is a.....WTF RUN BEFORE IT MAKES US DONATE!!!!"
I mean seriously i dont know what so scary about those lame ass horror films,i mean the biggest reaction it did evoke from me was perhaps my laughter,especially during the scene when the possessed girl in question tried to make her pet cat as flat as her non existant boobs with her camera.
But studying the movies in detail, i realised that it was not the storyline of the graphic effects that generally makes a horror movie scary,but rather the music that builds up the spooky atmosphere of the movie.
So anyway i decided to see if indeed music does affect the scariness level of a horror movie, and which other movie scene and character is more apt to portray this than....
Gosh do i love watching TV!
The Ever Faithful Holy Man
07/11/2010
Hi Guys!Im super happy! Do you know why? COS I AM PROMOTED TO J2 WITH 4H2s! OMG RIGHT? AHAHAHAHAHA IM SUPER HAPPY NOW!!!!! which also means IM GOING TO TAIWAN but i cant use any vulgarities anymore :(
So anyway friday has been a super good good day. Not only did i do above expectations for Promos, i also did quite well for PW, which stands for
Anyway my Oral Presentation(OP), which is the presentation component of PW,which takes up 40% of the overall PW grade, is due on 9th november, and im super nervous for it.
some of you guys might ask why,but truth is,unlike conventional oral, for OP you have to last for 5 minutes on your own and defend yourself from attacks posed by others.
btw when i say conventional oral,i do not mean oral XXX (OMG i am starting to use clean language!)
At first, OP might seem like a daunting task, because it is quite nerve wrecking to be speaking in front of an audience that is
But the trick is mainly to take in account your teacher's comments cos they are very important and valuable and adhering to them may allow you to improve leap and bounds!
But doing so you need to accept criticism and humble yourself,if not sure gg one.
So i was thinking, how would someone who is super proud and arrogant react if he kenna some sibeh harsh criticsm by his PW teacher?
Gosh do i love Moses Lim
The Ever Faithful Holy Man
30/10/2010
Hey people, just come back from Tau Huey Session with
my good friends and im feeling a bit upset and angry over something. So enough of this emo shit,which the more i tink of, the more pissed i get.
So anyway i just watched Paranormal Activity 2 with the judo people and stuff last saturday and trust me, it was the most retarded show since Cicakman.
If you guys dont know what cicakman is, its like the proton brand of the superhero world.
"Evil Do-ers better beware,if not im going to subdue you with a ketupat"
The ghost is like not even scary at all. Its like invisible and the only time you know the ghost is in the scene is when the children's toys start functioning wierdly ( made in china what) and when the bed of the daughter starts shaking by itself (which is probably due to the little bitch forgetting to switch her vibrator off).
And the people in the Paranormal Activity 2 blame everything that goes wrong or bad onto the ghost.
Apparently the ghost gets blamed for:
1) Pots and Pans dropping from the Pan Hanger
2)Door closing
3) Television spoiling
4)Swimming pool filter being displaced
5)Mas Selamat escaping
6)Cupboards breaking
Morale of the story : Dont buy your furniture from Ikea.
Gosh do i love Ikea!
-The Ever Faithful Holy Man
25/10/2010